dopamine

it's weird how chemicals in your body determine happiness.
yesterday I had a really difficult day. I lost it. I gave up. I cried, a lot. I begged Ava to understand my level of exhaustion in battling with her over every. little. thing. 5 is hard.

looking back on it now, there are a couple of interesting points in yesterday that I wonder if, cumulatively, they aided in my breakdown...
before school started we always started our days with cuddles in my bed. always. since we are now getting used to waking up early, that doesn't happen.
If I'm not at school, I usually cuddle with Nathan for his naps (or at least while he falls asleep). he will be this young only once and I don't want to regret the moments I missed.
yesterday, I can't recall ever stopping to just cuddle and enjoy my babies. we were rushed and busy all day.
My dopamine was at a low. super low.
the thing that helped me after all was said and done was talking with my friend. he was able to give me some of that feel-good chemical that I so needed (whether he realized it or not), and after that I was able to reevaluate.

it's so crazy how science really plays a large part in life. those feel good chemicals-- I need them. for my well being, and for my kids. I need to remember that.