The other day I was having a great conversation with someone I knew briefly in high school. We haven't spoken since, but the conversation we had this day was long. We talked all about high school.
Talking to this person really made me think hard about my past, and even my future.
I realized there were so many things, people, and situations that I overlooked in highschool that i honestly had no idea were even happening.
After talking with this person I learned all about the many boys that had crushes on me, and how when I ate alone at lunch people thought it was because I wanted to.
For me, high school was a big let down. I moved to a new school the middle of my junior year and never really felt accepted or welcomed. I ate alone most of the time, or sat with people I didn't feel I knew or even liked me. I didn't have people to call on the weekends to hang out, or get a ride to school if I missed the bus (which happened a lot, and i ended up having to take trimet everyday).
I found out that people DID like me. They liked me a lot, but I never knew. I never got the hint. I got so wrapped up in myself and never took the chance to step out and go to these people and make the first move. I didn't take the initiative.
After talking with this person I realized that this is the story of my life.
I don't have people I talk to. I don't have friends that I can just hang out with and not feel like I have to try too hard, or spend money I don't have.
I can tell myself it's because I don't care, but in the end it's not the truth.
I have never felt accepted or welcomed. And that's probably my fault. I don't let it happen.
But, I don't know how.
I hope I can learn.
