caught off guard

today i had a dentist appointment.

i chose this dentist from google. no recommendations, no reviews. he just had a cool website and even writes a blog! the office is very technologically advanced (i assume), because they text me reminders and stuff.

get this, the dentist even called me the night before just to see if there were any concerns i had, and to say he looks forward to meeting me. woah.

you can imagine i had some preconceived ideas about what to expect.

upon my arrival (after i googled my way there), i was greeted by a 50-something lady and filled out some paperwork. I was then called back by a 40-something lady, who was the hygienist. she was awkward and timid. she asked me questions about the medications i take because she wasn't familiar with them. ok.

so, the appointment goes on and i began pondering all of these realizations about just how judgmental i was coming into the appointment. by appearance, the hygienist was not confident; but she did an amazing job. her hands were steady and she maneuvered the tools really well. probably the best i have ever experienced. 

and then the dentist came in, and he was old, too.

but he was cool. 

and i walked away from my dentist appointment in complete disbelief of myself and the audacity i had to expect something and then judge people based on first impressions. 

learning experience number 1,235,789,456 in the record books. 

turning point

you know that moment of clarity when all of a sudden shit starts to make sense and you realize the choices you've made have all been for a reason? and that reason becomes so apparent that it's almost blinding? yeah- recently i had that moment.
for so long, i felt misunderstood and trapped in my mind. i told myself that people likely don't understand me. they probably have this idea of who i am, but they really don't have any clue. i figured anyone who cared enough would try to pick my brain and try to figure it out, when even i couldn't. i was stupid. i was lost. i was depressed.
and then one day i wasn't.
it's actually quite weird. i can't tell you why, or what the catalyst was. i just woke up one day and decided to change my attitude. no longer would i make excuses for myself or play the victim. i am not a victim to anyone but myself.
so, i changed my way of thinking. i told myself over and over again that my thoughts will directly affect my mood. and if i wanted to be happy , then i had to think happy thoughts. so i did.
and i am.

because there is no one to blame for the past. the mistakes i've made were lessons. the choices i made were exactly what i wanted at the time. no one is going to go out of their way to make my life better/easier/worthwhile.

"if life sucks, it's because you suck at life."

xx

jenn