how do you know?

How do you know when you're at the brink of a complete breakdown? I think I am there. Really, truly.
There has to be some kind of max limit on the amount of stress one person can deal with before completely losing their wits.

Currently, I am moving. By myself. Ok, not exactly because I have my children to helpget in the way; but still.. by myself, using my car. Hopefully someone I know with a truck will actually be able to help me move the few larger items I have (like beds) by next weekend, or I don't really know what I will do. I have to give up the keys on Sunday night.

I am really beginning to rethink why I even decided moving was a good idea. I mean, yeah, I will save about $150 a month in gas, and gain over an hour of drivetime each day, and my rent will be less- but still. I am completely overwhelmed.

Completely.

And, as if that isn't enough, Nathan seems to be teething or something because all he does? Cry. I feel so terrible and I don't know if maybe my stress is contagious?

Add to that the fact that I just signed the parenting plan for Ava establishing joint custody, and that I over-zealously booked myself for a couple of charity medical clinics coming up (that include multiple planning/training meetings), the usual money stress that comes with being a single mother, and you have yourself one BIG mess.

Somebody please come save me because all I can think about is how badly I want to hide in my closet and cry.

three and a half years

Ava had her very first real haircut today. She will be four in august, but Has never expressed any interest in having it done, so I never pressed it.



The time has come, and so I bit the bullet and made an appointment with an awesome kids salon across town. Totally worth the drive and effort.

Nathan had a blast playing on everything. He especially liked climbing in and out of a toy fire truck and LOVES slides. Like loves, loves.



 

Ava was a total gem and did so well. They played a Barbie movie and she was sucked right in.


The stylist cut a few inches off of the back and styled her hair with a twist, some clips that Ava picked out, and the most important- glitter spray.



Ava LOVED it and I am really happy with the outcome. It really was so stress free, even for a single mom with both kids there. We will be returning to this salon for all haircuts to come! At least, until Ava gets older and decides she is way to cool for it.

when

when did my son turn into a toddler? who let this happen?

can it be summer now?

we are sooo ready for the rain to go away. it's really raining on our parade! literally! ugh.

how to be alone

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs&w=560&h=349]

yummy chilli

I was introduced to this recipe by a friend of N's dad. It is by far the easiest and most delicious chilli recipe I have ever made. And, the only chilli I have ever made.

Ok, I am not a good cook. I am a GREAT mom, a great medical assistant, and a good friend, but I am not a cook. I admit it.
Luckily, you do not have to be a good cook to get this recipe right.

Ingredients:
1 lb. lean ground turkey
1 large onion, chopped
1 package taco seasoning
1 package hidden valley ranch mix
1 15 oz. can pinto beans*
1 15 oz. can hot chili beans*
1 15 oz. can whole kernel corn*
1 15 oz. can stewed tomatoes*
1 15 oz. can tomatoes with hot chilies*
* The can sizes are approximate.

Brown the turkey and chopped onion. Drain. Add the packets of seasoning. Add the canned goods. Simmer for an hour. Enjoy.

That's it! SO simple, and yet really, really yummy. And? the best part is that it is relatively healthynot bad for you! According to the sites I have seen the recipe on, each cup is only 2 weight watcher points. You could also add some grated cheddar and sour cream for a less healthy, more delicious version of this yummy goodness. BUT WAIT! There's more! the kids? LOVE THIS. it's great for little fingers to play witheat.

You're welcome!

finding your home away from home

this is part 1 of an at least 2 part series i plan to write about finding the right person to care for your child when they can't be with you. 

I would like to think that I know a little bit about a lot of things. That's what having a lot of experience with a lot of different life lessons gives to you. Sadly, my first born was the brunt of this experience... childcare. I have always been a single mom; Always utilizing childcare, whether it was for school or for work. I also happen to live thousands of miles away from most of my family. Convenient, if you ask me. Or not.

Anyway, when I first needed to leave Ava with someone I felt more safe with a licensed facility. I figured they had more eyes watching them and my child would be more safe with such strict policies and overhead. It worked out just fine. I was lucky and the center that I used had hired an amazing "teacher," and Ava was cared for. about 6 months later I found a good job that would require me to work odd hours. nights a weekends. The licensed center I had been using just wasn't going to cut it. Long story short (which I will get into more at a later time in part 2), I decided to go against everything I thought I would be comfortable with and headed to Craigslist to find an in-home sitter.

I searched. and searched. And I met with handfuls of people who were wanting to watch my baby girl. None of them gave me that feeling. For whatever reason, I just wasn't feeling comfortable with a single person. I was losing hope. quickly. I was truly about to give up before I received one last email. It was clearly written by someone who wasn't the most craigslist-literate. or even computer-literate for that matter. but, i decided to take a chance and meet her. and? it was the best decision I have EVER made in my children's lives so far.

when you know it, you just know it. it's a feeling of comfort and a feeling of trust that you just don't get often. I really cannot properly explain it. mommy intuition.

I met my children's second mother 2.5 years ago and I never saw it coming. I didn't expect to feel so comfortable with an in-home childcare, but I wouldn't have it any other way. The level of care and concern that comes from this atmosphere is something that no one will ever find in a licensed care facility. It just doesn't happen. I have used 3 different facilities ranging from religion-based to expensive Goddard school and Kindercare. None of them were ideal. None of them gave my children the care that I think they deserve during the 9-9.5 hours a day that they spend away from me. and? the occasional night off that I would not get if it wasn't for my childcare provider.

moral of this story? go with your gut. especially as a mother. it's the best tool we have and will lead you to places you never thought you'd go.

Happy birthday to my childcare provider. I will never be able to thank you enough for the love you give to my children when I cannot. I am SO lucky to have you in our lives. I hope that you will continue to allow my children into your home for years to come because I will never find anyone that could fill your shoes.