i hate running

I do. I hate running.

but I love the feeling I get when I do it. I love the adrenaline. I love the endorphins. I love the challenge.

there is always this inner dialogue that goes something like this:

"this sucks."

but if I keep pushing myself I will go faster/harder/stronger than I have before

"yeah, but it sucks. just quit. you did a good job anyway"

yeah, but I can do better.

"but no one is going to judge you for stopping now."

yeah, except for myself. and I am all that matters.

.......

and then, I run. and I go as far/fast/long as I set out to go. and if I think I can do more, I will. sometimes.

 

the beauty of it is that as human beings we are programmed to run. we ran from predators wayyy back in the day. at least, I think we did.

it's something that any relatively healthy person with 2 working appendages can do, yet many people don't. is it because they can't? no. for some, maybe they don't want to- and that's fine, i get it. but to others- they think they CAN'T. and they are WRONG. It's in your head. it's all in your head.

our minds are tricky little bitches that can either hinder us or push us into new places. it's so crazy how it works. of course, I have no idea how it works, but it is crazy!  I am completely infatuated with the human brain and thought process. it truly is an amazing thing.

we are either our own biggest fan, or our worst enemy.

which are you?

[i realize this is a commercial, but it still speaks]

tranquility

As I was holding Nathan in my arms tonight, and he slowly drifted into a peaceful slumber, I found myself full of emotion. It has been quite a while since he has fallen asleep in my arms, and it felt really nice.

My babies are growing. They are forming opinions, learning attitudes, and creating their identities. I am in awe of the absolute miracle I am lucky to be a part of.

If you know me, you know that I am a very patient person. Most anyone will say that they have never seen me angry. I was even told by numerous people that my kids will probably take advantage of that (though I do know how to show authority, it just doesn't have to be so obvious, does it?). I am quiet. It's not because I have nothing going on in my mind. I am a quiet, reserved person because I get carried away in thoughts. I think about things before I say them often to the point of over thinking, which leads to my quietness because once I think of what I want to say, it's already to late to make sense in the conversation. If  you've had a conversation with me, this is probably something you've noticed. It makes me appear scattered, but I usually have it all together in my head.  I taught myself to be this way. I don't know how.  Sometimes I wish I wasn't this way. I do wish I could be the social butterfly at times; Someone that could keep the conversation flowing. But, that's not me. I am friendly. I love people. I love meeting people. I'm just not that great with words.

I am a learner. I love to learn. I will research the heck out of anything. With that comes knowledge. I think I am smart. I know a lot of things, and if I don't know something, I will look it up. If someone tells me their opinion about something I am not informed about, I look it up. I like to find unbiased information and form my own opinion.
That's not to say I am a know-it-all. Because, I am not. But I will play the devil's advocate. Not because I like to argue, or because I like the competition, but because I have learned it is a great way to learn. One of my favorite quotes is by Aristotle (I think). "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

I often do not capitalize letters on this blog. It's not because I don't realize that I am doing it. I know. I am just too lazy sometimes to bother. I also think it looks better (as typography).

I have accepted the fact that I will likely be the old cat lady with no cats. Lonely and single, with no reason to shave my legs. It's ok though.

Scattered. That's me.

my saturday morning scene [Children's Museum]

we spent half the day at the Portland Children's Museum.

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/21251757]

Thank you Jessica for the inspiration.

whew

it's fairly obvious that my life right now is pretty nutty by the lack of blogging taking place. i figured i would share what i have been up to the last few weeks.

Here is a typical week day for me:

6am leave the house
630am drop kids at sitter
645am quick work-out at the gym
745am go to work
830am start my shift

530pm end my shift
6pm pick up kids
645pm arrive home
7pm dig through the fridge for something to put in the kid's bellies
8pm bath
845pm bedtime
9pm get myself ready, laundry, clean

and I consider myself lucky if I get to bed by 10. Also, there are days I skip the gym- that gives me extra time to sleep or shower and actually blow dry my hair.

So, where do I blog? I don't know. I am trying out this new idea (to me), and turning off the distractions on the weekends until Sunday night. I only have such limited time with the kids these days that I really want to enjoy my time. This is why I am giving up the gym on weekends, also. I have plans for bike rides and park days as soon as this dreary weather clears up a bit. I really cannot wait.

I would love your input on ways that YOU find time for things we so often overlook. How do you cram an extra hour into your day?

5k shamrock run 2011

i really hadn't been training as well as i would have liked. i think i can count on 2 hands the amount of runs i had gone on in the last year. it didn't stop me from trying my best, and i am very happy with the outcome.



it was a soggy, chilly morning. according to my iphone it was in the low to mid 40's and was raining/sprinkling on and off. my rain prep really paid off and i am so happy with my decision to get a hat and light jacket. it worked perfectly.

there were about 35,000 people taking part in this years run. it made for fun crowds, but the start took forever. i think i was lined up and ready to go for about 30 mins before i actually was able to pass the official start after being herded with the rest of the 5k-ers.



i was pumped. my playlist was packed with great music including young the giant, taking back sunday, florence and the machine, and even nicki minaj (to name a few). slow and steady was my mantra. i started right off the line with about 4.5 mph speed and tried to keep it at that, because i knew i would be able to stay there. i didnt want to hurry and then end up walking to catch my breath. i ended up staying at the same speed (basically) for most of the race. there was a slight incline that i know i slowed down for, which was ok. i didnt stop running, but i am pretty sure people could walk faster than my speed. there were a few different places that i got stopped at for traffic, and i kept my feet moving. there was only one break- about 10-20 yards- that i walked. it was at the top of the incline and my legs felt like jello. a quick cooldown later, and i was back at it. i felt so good!



i crossed the finish line at 00:39:58

i think i can do better. i know i can do better. the last quarter mile or so i pushed myself. i was feeling good and barely out of breath so i just went for it. according to my iphone runkeeper, i did a 7 minute mile pace at the end.



my goal was just to finish. i did finish.  and next time? i will finish with a better time. i know i can do it- this one was almost easy. i just need to push myself a bit more, and maybe get some more running in.

i already signed up for the next 5k! The Race for the Roses, April 3! Wanna run it with me?

pssst, see a video of the 2011 Shamrock Run HERE.

comments are turned off due a large amount of spam comments on this post. if you have something to say please email me! my email can be found on the top right hand side of the page.

this is it

big day for me. i cant wait to come back and tell you all about it.

my saturday morning scene

saturdays for me are busy. i try to get as much done as possible, as early as possible, before heading home and doing laundry and other household chores. today was no exception. it started with dropping off ava to her father's, and then nathan and i headed out for a morning of fun errands.

first, we stopped at a swapmeet sale thingee. it was my first time, and although it was huge with lots of cool stuff, i didnt end up leaving with anything. i am currently in the market for a bike trailer for the kids, but have yet to find a screamin deal on something of quality. also, i would LOVE any advice on brands and styles that you love. i am a newbie at bicycling with kiddos.


from there, we hoped on the train and headed out to pick up my race bib, chip, and free shirt for the race im running TOMORROW. cue anxiety.


and because it is currently raining, and i live in the pacific northwest, i figured i should probably find some kind of rain-appropriate apparel for tomorrow's run. so we went to goodwill. and what a GREAT flippan idea that was! i found some super sweet deals! including this gem:

can you read it? it says Chicago Marathon. um, hello! if i wore this i would look super badass. until the other racers see how slow and sweaty i am as i pant down the street, then the gig is up. so, i didnt bring it home. i am sure someone else will soon, though! i did end up finding a nice thin little jacket that will work nicely to wick away the rain drops. at least, i hope.

our errand running ended with a typical run to Fred Meyer's. it's only my favorite store, really. i had to get a visor or hat to shield my eyes from the rain as well. here is nathan testing them out for me:


and now? well, i am currently chowing down on lunch while nathan takes a much needed nap. the rest of the days agenda includes some laundry, cleaning, and playing. and then an early bedtime so we can wake up super early for race day! yeay!

because i want to.

hi. my name is Nathan and i am moody. one minute i am happy as a clam. the next i am not so much.



it's cool, though. i do what i want.

winner winner chicken dinner

ok guys. girlfriend must be doing something right (aka entering my contests) because its TWICE in a ROW she has won.

Congrats to LINDSAY for winning the beautiful camera strap over on facebook!



Thanks everyone for playing!

Lindsay- email me your address. i may still have it somewhere in my inbox. HA

Facebook GIVEAWAY!

I am giving away this awesome camera strap cover over on facebook!

This custom made camera strap is made specifically for the generic slr nikon/canon camera straps, and is made with black minky inner and a beautiful pink/black damask cotton outer fabric. It even has a handy lense cap pocket! My friend, Ali, over at Ali's 365 days of crafts made this! Go check her out!

ENTER TO WIN THIS BEAUTIFUL PRIZE over on facebook!

wordless wednesday