i am getting anxious

this week i officially finished my extern. that means i finally completed the 160 hours of unpaid, on-the-job training that is required of me before i can graduate and take my certification exam. i am so close. i am so scared. i know, it seems silly. i have been a student now for 17 years of my life. that is over 3/4 of my life.. that is pretty much all i have known. and now, here i am-- on the brink of GRADUATING with a DEGREE. i will be the first in my family. the beginning of a new cycle. i will be an example for my children. i am SO happy.

when i think about how much i have gone through, and how difficult this path has been i can't help but get emotional. i cry. yeah i said it. i cry. not because i am sad, or because i am disappointed, but because i am so so so soooo HAPPY. and maybe a little scared. i had never been a happy crier before having children. i don't know what it was, but man.. it really does it for me. imagining myself with my cap and gown and my diploma.. oh it makes me so happy. i cannot wait. i cannot wait to be at the end of this path so that i can call myself a college graduate. so that i can lead by example for my children. i really don't even have the words to describe it fully.

and after i feel happy, i get scared. i can't imagine my life without school. i am a learner. i love to learn. i am the type of person that researches the heck out of something so much that when it comes time to write the paper i have too much information and have no idea where to start. i want to know more about everything. i just love to learn. SO.. will this be the end of my 'student' title? i don't know. heck, it's only an associates degree.. i still have a little bit more classes to take for my bachelor's, and then who knows, i may get antsy and need more. i don't know.

but what i do know, is that i will officially be able to call myself a college graduate in january 2011 and i am so. darn. proud.